Flow Into Well-being
Originally published in the Parents’ Resource Guide Winter 2019
New Intentions
It’s another new year, and time for new beginnings. Maybe even time for self-reflection and a chance to set some intentions moving forward. This reminds me of a wonderful metaphor from the work of Dr. Dan Siegel. Siegel, who has written a ton of excellent books, uses a metaphor he calls the River of Well-being. He says that as we go through life, we are moving along, sometimes in harmony and in the flow of well-being, and sometimes we veer off track. He likens it to floating along a river, each in our own canoe. Dr. Siegel says it can be useful to imagine that as we float down the river, sometimes our little boats drift to one side of the riverbank or the other. In Siegel’s metaphor, one riverbank represents chaos and the other represents rigidity. Well-being means flowing back to the center of the river rather than getting stuck on the banks of rigidity or chaos.
Chaos
Sometimes you are floating along in your “canoe” and you get snarled on the riverbank of chaos. This means you lose the structure that holds things together. Maybe you let your emotions run your life. You don’t feel like getting the kids to bed, and so you don’t. Maybe the house is a mess and you can’t find anything. Or you look in the fridge to make breakfast and realize you forgot to go to the store. Clean clothes got mixed in with the dirty. Getting caught on the riverbank of chaos can feel overwhelming.
Rigidity
Other times you can get stuck on the other bank of the river—rigidity. This means expectations are unreasonable and harsh. Your body becomes filled with tension and anger when things don’t go as planned. If the children don’t behave, you have no patience. Maybe you forget that your children require your warmth and encouragement. Time to get your “canoe” out of the brambles and back into the flow of well-being.
Head to the Center Flow
Which bank of the river do you most often get caught on? Identifying some ways to gently steer your “little canoe” back toward the center of the river can really help. If you are caught in chaos or rigidity, sit down and think, talk to a friend, have a good cry, and make a plan to get back on track. If you can’t get unstuck, tell your doctor or call a therapist—there is always help.
Let your little boat sail into the flow of well being this new year. Life will give you twists and turns that require some tricky maneuvering, but that’s okay. Just push out of the stuck places and head toward the center flow.
