Santa Claus: Myth, Magic or Something in Between?
Published on First 5 Website, Nov 2012
What Do You Say?
As the holidays approach, many parents wonder how to talk to their children about Santa Claus. Adults know that Santa is not a jolly intruder that comes down the chimney on Christmas Eve. We often have magical memories of enjoying the belief in Santa. We want our own children to enjoy that feeling of enchantment. It almost seems like a right of passage in childhood. However, we also emphasize telling the truth in our families and don’t relish the idea of flat out lying to our kids! So the question is, how do we strike a reasonable balance?
Just the other day a concerned mom was querying other parents on an on-line blog. She said that she didn’t want to be uptight and wanted her child to have fun with Santa, but she really didn’t like lying. She settled on telling the story of the historical St. Nicolas, explaining that the family gives gifts because they love each other. This way she could keep the fun by sharing a wonderful legend without telling her child a whopper! Great idea. Another parent thought Santa offered a chance to explain her ideas about karma. Another family utilized Santa as a teaching opportunity to discuss the concept of beliefs, as their children became older and more sophisticated thinkers. I guess the important thing is to find something that seems right for your family; there’s not one “right way” to celebrate Santa!
Last year, Lindsay Dunkel, Executive Director of First 5 Nevada County, wrote a wonderful article on this topic and you can still access it on the First 5 website. I recommend reading it if you are wondering about Santa. It is wise, as well as heartwarming. The article reminded me of how my mom talked to me about Santa Claus when I was little. I adopted the approach with my own daughter when she was younger, since I also did a lot of soul-searching on the Santa question.
Of course, my daughter loved Christmas and all that went with it. However, she wasn’t always 100% on what to make of Santa. I remember when she was in nursery school at Tall Pines, Teacher Debby’s husband was Santa Claus (sshh, don’t tell!) When it came time for Haley to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what she wanted for Christmas, she had some serious doubts. Fortunately, Santa was extremely good natured and we came up with a good solution—Mom sat on Santa’s lap while Haley sat on Mom’s lap and the wish list was named.
The Spirit of Santa
When my daughter got a little bit older, she began sporadic onslaughts of quizzing me about Santa. That’s when it really felt tricky to answer her questions. She began trying to figure out all those confounding Santa logistics. She would come up with various theories…”Aha! I know how he does it!” At one point I was alarmed to discover that her speculations led her to think that her dad and I would leave on Christmas Eve and go get the gifts from Santa’s sleigh that night. I didn’t want her worrying that she would be home alone (we know what can happen!) The outlandish speculations and varying conclusions would come and go and I would mostly just listen and make vague comments like, “Hmm…,”or,” interesting idea, honey.” I wanted to let her have the magic as long as she wanted it—but I also had the sense that I wanted her to count on me for the truth. She finally put the straightforward question to me and I couldn’t get away with hemming and hawing. “Mom, is Santa real?” This is when I remembered my own mother’s fabulous rejoinder that came rushing back to me decades later. I said, “Haley, the SPIRIT of Santa is real.” She sat silently for an instant, and then again asked, “But, is Santa real?” I said, “ Yes, the spirit of Santa is REAL!” Every time I said this, I tried to twinkle as I imagined Santa might. Eventually this seemed to satisfy her. Either that, or she realized that was all she was going to get out of me.
It was one of those rare moments as a parent that felt just right. I really had the sense that this answer was allowing her to make the Christmas magic her own. As long as she needed it, it was there. When she was ready to believe that it was a wonderful story, she could do that too. And most importantly, she would always know that the spirit of joy and the spirit of love and giving were absolutely real. Because the spirit of Santa IS real!
