TLC For Parents & Families

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This article was first published in the Parents’ Resource Guide 2018 Spring issue

Parents Are People Too!

“Parents are people too!” I remember blurting out this little gem years ago one time when I was feeling frustrated as a parent. I guess I felt like I was focused on caring for my daughter’s needs 24/7 and was wishing for a little TLC of my own. Of course, it wasn’t up to my child to recognize and meet my needs. It was my job to to do this for myself.

TLC In Parenting Workshops

And you know what? Parents do need some TLC now and then. Sometimes we are thriving. And sometimes we’re not. What I love the most about offering parenting workshops is that parents, grandparents and caregivers find enjoyment and support by sharing this journey with each other. There is that recognition—oh yeah, I’ve been there! That in itself, let’s parents be people with each other.

Adverse Childhood Experiences

As a part of my parenting workshops, I have started giving the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) questionnaire as a way for parents to privately check in on how they are doing personally. The ACEs survey resulted from a Kaiser study relating adult health and wellbeing to traumatic childhood events. As people, we are resilient and can heal from such events, but we need to give ourselves the time and space to do so. But first we have to recognize that we may have something to work out.

ACEs Survey – Prepare First

Anyone can access the ACEs survey by looking it up on line (https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/) If you would like to take it yourself, here are a few things to think about. If you have some ACEs, just remember you are not alone. That was one of the surprising findings of the Kaiser study—ACEs are common. If you take the assessment, make sure you have some time for yourself to process since it might bring up some strong emotions. Identify someone ahead of time that you can talk to about your answers in case you want support. Feeling that you have no one to talk to can feel lonely and alienating. Choose someone who is non-judgmental and a good listener; a friend, your spouse, or an extended family member. If you have no one to talk with or you realize you have some unhealed hurts to attend to, you may want to contact a therapist. If you don’t know how to find a therapist, you can dial 211 or contact PARTNERS Family Resource Centers. They will help you find what you are looking for.

Make Conscious What Is Unconscious

Exploring past issues can make conscious what is unconscious and help us live more fully in the present. The more we care for ourselves as people, the freer we are to connect with and delight in our children and in our own lives.