6 Steps To The Sweet Spot of Parenting

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Too hard or too soft? Many parents wonder if they are too strict or too lenient with their children. The truth is, there is so much research that helps answer the question about the sweet spot of parenting. Study after study shows that the best outcomes for children occur when parents are warm and responsive to feelings, balanced with healthy limits and structure. Below are some steps to help you along the way to finding the parenting sweet spot with your children.

  1. Take Delight

Even if you are in a rough patch and feeling frustrated as a parent, there are times when you can notice how amazing your children are…..enjoy! Stop and feel it; let them see your eyes shine with delight. They need to know that you not only love them, but also like who they are. And don’t forget to give snuggles and hugs for no particular reason!

  1. Notice The Positives

Be sure to pay attention to your children’s efforts. Acknowledge what is going well and how they are trying, even if it’s not everything you want wrapped up in a bow. Make these meaningful moments and use specific language so they know exactly what you are happy about.

  1. Set Clear Expectations

It often surprises parents what a difference it makes to be clear with expectations. When you firmly say what is going to happen, children can rest in that knowledge. “Okay, kids, we are on a mission to shop for Cousin Betsy’s birthday and we will not be buying any other toys today.” This works especially well when paired with step #4.

  1. If You Say It, Do It

Your word must be golden. If you don’t mean what you say, your words will fall on deaf ears. If you cave in when the children beg and plead for treats and toys when you said you were shopping for cousin Betsy, they won’t believe a word you say! Stick with what you said. It will be so much easier in the long run.

  1. Consequences, a Fact of Life

If children experience life in their households as living in a random universe, then why bother paying attention to what people say? Use brief consequences. Be consistent; let consequences fall where they may. If you protect your children from consequences, they will be more surprised and angry when one finally sticks.

  1. Create Routines

It’s so helpful to have routines! This is the structure that makes your job easier because routines create habits. If every night there’s bath, teeth brushing, stories, then lights out—it becomes the norm. This dovetails with the clear expectations of Step 3.  It’s so much easier to go along with what we expect will happen and what we do on a regular basis.

If you’ve been out of step with your parenting, don’t worry. Create a fresh start this New Year by practicing these steps to find your parenting sweet spot.

First written in the Parents’ Resource Guide Winter/2018 Edition