TEACH YOUR KIDS’ RESPECT By Showing Them The Same
Originally published in Parents’ Resource Guide, Summer 2019
Echos From The Past
“Because I said so!” How many of us grew up hearing that phrase from our parents? Did it ever make you want to behave more nicely as a child? Probably not. And has it ever slipped past your own lips on a really bad day? Of course, parents aren’t perfect and don’t have to be, but it is disappointing when we find ourselves saying things to our own children that we vowed we never would. Plus, treating children without respect breeds contempt and will not lead to a feeling of family cooperation.
What Are You Inspiring?
Sometimes parents are confused about how to gain respect from their children. One dad said, “My daughter is a slob around the house. Why doesn’t she show me more respect?” What is missing in this father’s attitude? R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Some think they should automatically get it because they are the adult. But respect is more than a behavior that can be demanded. The dictionary says respect is “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities or achievements.” The keyword here is feeling. Gaining respect means inspiring a feeling of esteem. Creating a relationship of respect means behaving in a way that earns it.
Strong Relationships
My husband tells a story about how as a kid, he and his father went on vacation to a lake with another family. The other family had a boy about his age who swam out into the lake farther than the boy’s dad wanted him to go. The boy’s father yelled at him to come back into shore and the child ignored him. My husband and his father sat on the beach watching. My husband’s dad said with a twinkle in his eye, “ If you ever do that, just keep right on swimming.” My husband knew that he wouldn’t disobey his dad. Not because his dad was mean and scary; he wasn’t. But because he was kind and loving, yet firm and in charge. He knew his father had his best interests in mind and he had a deep feeling of admiration for his dad. This feeling was there from countless loving interactions where his dad displayed the character traits that garnered his son’s respect.
Patience
Building a relationship based on mutual respect doesn’t mean being a pushover on the one hand; nor is it harsh and demanding on the other. It means taking a strong leadership role in showing your children the respect that you want in return. Over time, your children will come to display the behavior that goes along with the feeling of mutual respect that will characterize the relationship.
