#1 Show appreciation
Most people are starving for appreciation, acknowledgment, and feeling valued. Your partner will probably feel a boost if you notice the contributions they make around the house and to your life. This may not sound sexy to you, but the person on the receiving end may love it! We all want to matter, and this is a simple way to send an influx of good energy into your relationship. So if you would like to begin turning things around to a more positive, vivacious relationship, offer some words of appreciation. Would it kill you? ☺
#2 Say what you would like…rather than what you don’t like
Rather than seethe because your partner doesn’t automatically give you what you want, go ahead and express your heart’s desires. It’s okay to say what you want and it doesn’t have to spoil the gift if you have to ask for it. And yes, you may have to ask a few times. Just keep your sense of humor about you and a good attitude. If you ask nicely, it will probably make a big difference. For example, “I would LOVE it if you would bring me flowers sometime!” rather than, “You NEVER bring me flowers.” Or, “Would you greet me with a hug when I get home from work?” Versus, “You don’t show me any affection.” Or how about, “Would you please put away your smartphone while we eat dinner? I would love to sit and talk.” Versus “You’re addicted to that thing!” I am not saying you are guaranteed to get what you want every time. But this is a lot more motivating than saying, “you never…” or “you always…” Exercise some persistence and patience and it’s bound to increase the odds of creating the relationship you want.
#3 Spend some time together
Remember how you used to date? You would think up places to go and things to talk about. After people have been together a while, they often start taking each other for granted and don’t make the effort. You may think, “Why should I be the one to do it?” Well, you don’t. But why not take control? This can be contagious; once one person starts to initiate the fun, the other person will often catch on because it’s enjoyable. It doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. It could be a coffee date, a walk, or cooking a delicious meal together. Think about what resources you have nearby that you both might enjoy. In my area on summer mornings once the water is safe, one couple I know frequently enjoys a quick dip in the Yuba River together. What a way to refresh themselves and their relationship! Get thinking about what you might do together and make some fun suggestions.
